#350 United Dutch Breweries - Pirate 8.5

Name: Pirate 8.5
Brewery: United Dutch Breweries (Breda, Netherlands)
Style: Strong Pale Lager
ABV: 8.5%
Source: Countdown

Well why the hell not, right?

I know I’ve only got 15 beers left and every one is sacred, but for some reason I can’t fully explain I’ve been gagging to try this beer for ages. At the end of the day, I think it’s just because pirates are cool.

I’m about to drink it at work, with the can hidden from sight behind some dictionaries. This is partly a metaphor for me hiding my insecurities behind big words, mostly it’s just I’m embarrassed to be seen drinking 8.5% tramp juice out of a big boy can.

OK so I’ve poured it, and we’ve got no head – I repeat, no head. It does look quite nice though; clear and golden like the cheap kinds of apple juice.

I’m smelling it, and we’ve got no aroma either. Well, that’s not quite true. There is the faintest hint of… I don’t know, barley sugars perhaps? Yes, orange barley sugars, with underlying notes of beer.

Going in for a sip now…

Clean and sweet at first, then rising alcohol and a vaguely Belgian banana lolly flavour. Basically no carbonation, slightly prickly finish and a metallic aftertaste.

Well, this isn’t quite the Cinderella story I was hoping for, but it’s not as bad as I had feared, either. I mean it’s shit, no doubt about that, but it’s a European shit, which is a kind I can tolerate.

Also, it’s instantly lifted my mood and made everything seem sort of soft-focus – like I’m looking through a Bold & the Beautiful camera lens. I don’t know why that is, but I think I’m going to drink the whole can and see what happens. Happy Friday!

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